Extra Marital Affair

[Emelyn]

Insider,


Thanks for sharing such personal experience of yours.
Your posts have always been a "must-read" for me. I have even encouraged DH to go to the forum and read all posts by "insider" if he doesn’t have much time.

As you know from my other posts that my cousin-in-law has filed for divorce. While reading your post, I started to think about her case. Unfortunately, my cousin has not been taking care of the family at all, especially the past 2 yrs. And I find it difficult to tell her to give him a chance (she asked me if she should give him a chance). Especially he has not reflected upon himself after he received the court papers, and see how he can salvage. Instead of attempting to build relationship with the children, he started scolding them.

I just told her that ultimately she has to be happy with her decision, and whatever decision that is, she has my support and she can always come to me for a listening ear and a shoulderto cry on.

[buzybuzz]

“DO NOT LOOK BACK AND ASK WHY, LOOK FORWARD AND ASK WHY NOT” : Posted on September 3, 2008. Filed under: Uncategorized |


" In most cases, especially in relationships, you will only get 80% of what you NEED and you will hardly get the other 20% that you WANT in your relationship. There is always another person (man or women) that you will meet and that will offer you the other 20% which is lacking in your relationship that you WANT

And believe me, 20% looks really good when you are not getting it at all in your current relationship.

But the problem is that you will always be tempted to leave that good 80% that you know you have, thinking that you will get something better with the other 20% that you WANT

But as reality has proven, in most cases, you will always end up with having the 20% that you WANT and loosing the 80% that you really NEED and that you already had.

Be careful in deciding between what you WANT and NEED in your life. ""

[MLR]

Dearest Insider


Thank you so very much for your time and magnanimity in sharing such personal experience.

I hv been an admirer of yours since joining this forum, now I would say you are my role model.

To forgive is the greatest gift that you can give and to be forgiven is the greatest gift to receive. For it means love transcend all to be able to forgive, what greater gift could one asked for in times of wrongdoings.

I had told my hubs that if he should stray, I hv to be the 3rd person to know and 1 chance would be given. I do ponder if it happens would I find the courage to forgive and moved on like you did.

[sashimi]

insider, you are truly, truly brave.


It is admirable, your attitude and what you have done, and to allow mistakes to strengthen you and your family - that is the true purpose of mistakes. I hope all will turn out for the better. It is human nature to err, but true understanding is the sole property of the humane. Best wishes for your family and future.

[cookiecreature]

Insider, you are and will be richly blessed.

[csc]

Insider,


:udawoman:

I :salute: you!

[winth]

Hi insider,


Though I have been trying to keep myself mentally prepared should my own marriage come to such a stage, it is really easier said than done.

I was already shaking uncontrollably when I found out that my hubby watched porn TWICE, as I was so afraid then that something more worrying was happening. My hands and feet were cold when I confronted him the very next day I found out (it’s just not me to let a matter rest, though it appears negligible). And it took me a month of tears and constant suspicions to make sure he is clean from third parties.

He hasn’t touched it since and I still do my constant checks and discuss about our marriage and potential issues/problems/consequences that might arise. That helped to keep him involved as a husband and daddy.

Your example serves as a powerful reminder to us all, and yes, a role model. Thanks for sharing!

[Honey]

Insider


Thank you for taking time to share in such a frank & honest manner. By sharing here, you've risked feeling hurt again by recalling the past yet you have very unselfishly put that aside & share with us so that we (especially the women) can learn so much & grow along in this path of womenhood.

Indeed, as women & mothers, we have to uphold one another & walk this path together. In society especially in this part of the world, there are many things acceptable of men but not of women. We are still living in an Asian society that holds firmly to our beliefs & values which could at many times be bias against the women - in other words, not fair to the women like men can do this but women cannot.

I am glad that while you are a modern woman who has so much of wisdom & foresight, you can still put aside your deepest hurts & put the family first to continue to live the life for the family. Your kids are very blest to have a mum like you. For many may have taken other paths such as living seperately, divorce or even living together but not communicating, just live together under one roof for the sake of the kids. Yet, you could forgive your husband for his hurts & betrayal & still say you are truly a happier person. I have deep respect for you :salute:

[mathsparks]

Hi Insider,

Hats off to you too! :salute: Sharing yr difficulties with us all. I wonder if religion play a part in yr ability to forgive and be so magnanimous about the whole thing.

[Funz]

It takes a lot to be able to forgive someone who has betrayed your trust and your love. And it is a double whammy DH and best fren! To forgive both betrayals, only someone who is confident, secure of herself and who has positive outlook can do that. :salute:


B4 marriage and even into the 1st few years of marriage, I was pretty adamant that if DH should betray me or ever lay a hand on me, no 2 ways about it, we will go our separate ways. No 2nd chances and no room for negotiation.

Now that we have 2 kids, naturally my views have changed. If it is like Insider's case, & DH shows and prove himself to the family again I can forgive and move on. However, if there are repeat occurences or if emotions are involved, I will have to evaluate the situation. I do not want to hold on to a person who is no longer emotionally vested in the family and I will not subject myself to the heartache of repeated betryals. Yes kids are involved and they need their father. But if I am miserable, or angry, how then can I be a good mother to my kids. They will only experience anger and misery from me.

However, on the other point, I still have not changed my views, if DH were to lay a hand on me then out he goes.