Extra Marital Affair

[MLR]

Dearest Insider


Thank you so very much for your time and magnanimity in sharing such personal experience.

I hv been an admirer of yours since joining this forum, now I would say you are my role model.

To forgive is the greatest gift that you can give and to be forgiven is the greatest gift to receive. For it means love transcend all to be able to forgive, what greater gift could one asked for in times of wrongdoings.

I had told my hubs that if he should stray, I hv to be the 3rd person to know and 1 chance would be given. I do ponder if it happens would I find the courage to forgive and moved on like you did.

[sashimi]

insider, you are truly, truly brave.


It is admirable, your attitude and what you have done, and to allow mistakes to strengthen you and your family - that is the true purpose of mistakes. I hope all will turn out for the better. It is human nature to err, but true understanding is the sole property of the humane. Best wishes for your family and future.

[cookiecreature]

Insider, you are and will be richly blessed.

[csc]

Insider,


:udawoman:

I :salute: you!

[winth]

Hi insider,


Though I have been trying to keep myself mentally prepared should my own marriage come to such a stage, it is really easier said than done.

I was already shaking uncontrollably when I found out that my hubby watched porn TWICE, as I was so afraid then that something more worrying was happening. My hands and feet were cold when I confronted him the very next day I found out (it’s just not me to let a matter rest, though it appears negligible). And it took me a month of tears and constant suspicions to make sure he is clean from third parties.

He hasn’t touched it since and I still do my constant checks and discuss about our marriage and potential issues/problems/consequences that might arise. That helped to keep him involved as a husband and daddy.

Your example serves as a powerful reminder to us all, and yes, a role model. Thanks for sharing!

[Honey]

Insider


Thank you for taking time to share in such a frank & honest manner. By sharing here, you've risked feeling hurt again by recalling the past yet you have very unselfishly put that aside & share with us so that we (especially the women) can learn so much & grow along in this path of womenhood.

Indeed, as women & mothers, we have to uphold one another & walk this path together. In society especially in this part of the world, there are many things acceptable of men but not of women. We are still living in an Asian society that holds firmly to our beliefs & values which could at many times be bias against the women - in other words, not fair to the women like men can do this but women cannot.

I am glad that while you are a modern woman who has so much of wisdom & foresight, you can still put aside your deepest hurts & put the family first to continue to live the life for the family. Your kids are very blest to have a mum like you. For many may have taken other paths such as living seperately, divorce or even living together but not communicating, just live together under one roof for the sake of the kids. Yet, you could forgive your husband for his hurts & betrayal & still say you are truly a happier person. I have deep respect for you :salute:

[mathsparks]

Hi Insider,

Hats off to you too! :salute: Sharing yr difficulties with us all. I wonder if religion play a part in yr ability to forgive and be so magnanimous about the whole thing.

[Funz]

It takes a lot to be able to forgive someone who has betrayed your trust and your love. And it is a double whammy DH and best fren! To forgive both betrayals, only someone who is confident, secure of herself and who has positive outlook can do that. :salute:


B4 marriage and even into the 1st few years of marriage, I was pretty adamant that if DH should betray me or ever lay a hand on me, no 2 ways about it, we will go our separate ways. No 2nd chances and no room for negotiation.

Now that we have 2 kids, naturally my views have changed. If it is like Insider's case, & DH shows and prove himself to the family again I can forgive and move on. However, if there are repeat occurences or if emotions are involved, I will have to evaluate the situation. I do not want to hold on to a person who is no longer emotionally vested in the family and I will not subject myself to the heartache of repeated betryals. Yes kids are involved and they need their father. But if I am miserable, or angry, how then can I be a good mother to my kids. They will only experience anger and misery from me.

However, on the other point, I still have not changed my views, if DH were to lay a hand on me then out he goes.

[Fluffy]

I must show your sharing to my girlfriends who complained alot of their husbands. We will never be satisfied with what we have and always ask for more. You have shown that you could move on with your life instead of feeling self-pity and resentful of the incident. It takes alot of courage and your loves for your family clearly lead you to make the decision to forgive. Everyone should learn to forgive like you because retaining the hatred would only make oneself miserable.


Life is meaningful,
only if you feel it so.
Life is fruitful,
only if you make it so.
Life is loving,
only if you want it so.
Life is beautiful,
only when your heart is gold.

You do have a "Heart of Gold".

Blessed you!

[ZacK]

insider:

There are a few mottos / guiding principles in my life that I have shared somewhere else in this forum:

1.\tLife is Beautiful! (ask my kids and they will know this is mummy’s motto). No matter under what kind of circumstances, I maintain this stand and will try to find the ‘beauty’ inside even an ugly situation. If I can’t find, I will tell myself coz I am not wise enough yet and sooner and later I will get to understand why such a thing happened to me…

2.\tDon’t bear grudges towards anyone, esp your love ones, else it will be a double hurt to oneself. As soon as you realize you are harbouring hatred and grudges, be aware of the damage that they will do to you and many times also to the innocent people around you. Many of us know that hating someone or something kills a lot of our cells but somehow many still choose to do so coz they can’t control themselves emotionally (once enter a ‘blind corner’, then it is difficult to see light). Many of us heard of the black dot on a white handkerchief thingy and that we should look at the vast white space instead of the dot but just somehow, many just have to look at the dot and ignore that vast white space. Common human’s flaw coz most of us are wired wrongly??

Thank you for sharing your motto... Just these two principles alone.. Will be able to bring anyone who can internalise this very far in seeking peace and happiness :celebrate:

I am not at liberty to share some of the things I have been thru... For me I've always believed that things (good and bad) always happen for a reason and they are to make us \"better persons\"... In bad situations, learn to see the good that can come out of it... And we will see the light at the end of the tunnel :celebrate: