Spending time with your parents or in-laws
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[quote]One day, we'll be old and frail..... will we know how our children will care for us? Will we know whether they will be filial? Will we know whether they will look out for us? As parents love unconditionally, there is
no issue of expecting anything in return. Even if one does expect,
when one is old and frail, how to force upon that? That's the reason
why many invest in a retirement nest to cope for the silver age...
Just in case.. [/quote]When I was twenty, my grandmother by then did not stay with us. She was free to choose to stay with any of her four kids. Her ic address was with my unmarried uncle but she loved her youngest daughter very much, so 80% of her time will be with my aunty. But when she was very sickly, my aunty sent over my grandmother to our place (my mum is DIL). Since my father was working, I took turn with my mum to look after my invalid grandmother while juggling with school. My sister who's 5 years older than me has since started a family.
For my mum, she was looking after someone who has been picking on her and for me, I am looking after someone whom I had so much fun with. I totally respected my mum for it cause I know her relationship with my grandmother has been strained through out. My grandmother was then admitted to hospital when she took a worst turn. Busy with school project deadline, I was hoping to visit her in the next few days but the call came through early morning around 4 am that she has passed on alone in the hospital. I was the one who took the call as my father was working night shift. I contacted my father whom directed me to start the funeral arrangement, contacted my sister to request her to start contacting aunties & alert close relatives & quickly brought my mum to the hospital.
My aunties came at 7am wailing. I am sorry to say that isn't it way too late to express her sorrow?
Having this painful experience in mind, I started building some retirement saving. Parental love is unconditional. I do hope my children will grow up with compassion in them.
As for myself, I learn the painful way that procastinating or not able to squeeze my time to attend to something or someone important in my life, I might later regret.
So, do spare even a five minutes to say hello to our parents is good enough than having nothing at all. -
[Moderator's note: Topics merged.]
One of the new ksp, SGoku, visits his mil every weekend. I wonder how many of us here keep up with this tradition.
I remember when we were young, every Sunday was spent at grandma's, playing badminton, popping balsam seeds in her huge house/garden with my siblings/cousins. I remember grandma's coffee, her yummy overnight chicken :drool: (re-cooked many times..very salty) and the awful smell of the tam pui in her room.
Those memories are very dear to me as grandma has passed away. Miss her much.
But I didn't like those kaypoh uncles/aunties though. 
Always prying.
My parents stay in the West, and I'm in the East. Distance, plus kids' busy schedules made it difficult for us to visit them weekly as much as I wanted to.
We only meet up during occasions. They're getting on in years and I hope to be able to see them more regularly. I wonder if my kids will have any memories of gandma if I don't make more effort. -
We hv a meal with my mom at least once a month, when I give her the monthly allowance. I call her at least once a week just to chat her up. She does suffer from what I would call the "empty nest" syndrome. Since I moved last year and changed DS’s cc, which used to be in her neighbourhood. She would make excuses for us to go visit her, even to the extend of saying she is so sick and almost hospitalised kind of words. She has a set of my house keys and we told her that she is free to drop by anytime, she would still want us to go visit her.
It doesn’t help that she is not on good terms with my father. I used to go over for dinner on every weekday nights, and she would poured out her anguish/sorrows/what-hv-u to me. Now that I can’t go for dinner as often, I call her so that she can still let out to me. My sister avoid her calls and my bro work errratic hours.
My MIL, she is too far away, so she gets a call every week, mostly to hear DS babble and share family gossip. -
We visit my PsIL every weekend, unless they have to attend some functions or dinners. Hubby has a very closely-knitted family. My ILs have 13 grandchildren. Everybody tries to be present. So, when children are all there, they play together. Some older ones (like > 16 yo) even bring their best friends home to join for dinners too! Some of the girls in sec schs/ IP schs will use the time there to revise their work or do their homeworks there occasionally. Those in pri schs or pre-schs are either playing or watching TVs together.
It’s interesting to see how the different age-groups/personalities/ academically good or so-so students behave. LOL. My PsIL are very nice people, and the family has no politics (read: poor but happy). I think it’s partly the reason why everybody is willing or even happy to meet every week. -
This thread reminds me of this: http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?t=4169
sashimi and I don't visit but we see my mom (and sometimes my dad and sis) almost every weekday when I pick my DD up from my mom at the MRT station. We usually spend some minutes to get updates on what my DD has been up to, and any latest news about my family and relatives. My PIL stay farther away and they are the ones with the car so they come by to see their granddaughter at least once a week. However, they don't stay long. We only spend more time with our families for celebrations and the rare outing together. I think this works out fine for us cos with this amount of space, freedom and privacy, our relationships are maintained at an amicable level.
P.S. Basically, our DD spends more time with our parents than we do. Also, she is currently the only grandchild, and my cousins are either overseas or very busy so.... -
My MIL stays with me to help out and my FIL and SIL drops by almost every night to have dinner so I see them almost everyday. Sometimes when we bring the children on outings, they would tag along too but I’m fine with that as they really are a great help as I dun have a maid. With 3 kids in tow, I need whatever help I can get haha.
I will have dinner with my sis and mum at least once during the weekdays and we go over every sunday with the kids unless my mum decides to go malaysia or my dad does not come back during that weekend coz he’s working in batam. Before the kids, we wld prob eat out together once a week and weekends we usually do our own stuff. When the kids came along, it seems natural to bring them to see their grandparents. DH is working retail hours so he only goes back with me if he is off that particular sunday.
I guess it’s easy for us coz we all stay in the north and at the same time, we were brought up that way where we visit our grandparents almost every week as well so it has become more of a tradition. I’m sure I would want that to happen when I grow older and my children have their own kids so it’s never too early to teach them this tradition (personal agenda haha). -
This indeed brings back fond memories of childhood when we would go over to our paternal grandparents place every Sunday. As the 3 of us like char siew + ngor hiang, grandpa is sure to get them from the mkt for us 3 little pigs to indulge... :grphug:
For my maternal grandma, we will go over on weekdays... when my mum don feel like cooking, we will go over there for dinner...
These memories are part of my childhood memories.. and likewise, i would wan to be part of my kids too...
We visit our PILs on 1 weekday nite, rarely missing it. We visit my mum for the weekends. We may miss it if we got gatherings with frens but since my mum knows most of my frens, she will go along with us.. so that sort of make up for it...
And my grandparents are still around
... so i will also try to bring them to visit great-grandparents abt once a month... All these visits are usually for abt an hour or 2 hours max... That the best we can do for now... Hope to stay this way even as the kids grow older...
Another thing is to organise birthday celebrations for my gals - its an excuse also to bring both extended families together at least twice a year...
:celebrate: -
Hi,
My gal is taken good care of by my in laws, so we get to c them everyday after work. As for my parents, we make it a point to bring my gal to their place every Saturday, so that my gal can play with her grandpa, grandma, aunties and uncles.
I always wish I have a close knitted family. It did not happen for me when I was young as my parents are busy working. But I feel kids really will bring the whole family together.
After my gal is borne, we get closer to my in laws. (We used to visit them only every week once, now we see them everyday.) My gal become our common topic, and we work together on the same \"project\" i.e. to bring up my gal. I am really grateful to my in laws for taking good care of my gal.
As for my parent side, after marriage, all my siblings moved out and focus on our career and lives. But after having my gal, all the aunties and uncles really dotes on her and always make a point to to go my parents place when she is there on Saturday.
These feelings are really good. Though my in laws are staying West, my parents are in the North and me somewhere in bet. I feel all these travels worth it ALL. :love:
Feel strongly to urge everyone to invest a bit of time every week or so to be with your parents cos these people who have bring us up, will only grow older with time. -
Thank you Mathsparks for bringing up this poll...it seems i \"spark\" up your inspiration to create this.
I grew up in an nest where my grandparent took care of me like a king...not prince, but king. Being the eldest grandson of a hainanese clan, i am given almost every privileges that a child can possibly have...toys, chicken drumstick, money to buy this and that, etc etc (if at my age that time have wi or ps3, i think i can get it easily)
Time flies. Like most of you, i miss my grandparent. Grandmum left in 1993 while grandpa left May 09. They cannot come back but their spirit remains with me.
This kind of kinship make us human a human and it is our responsible to pass it down to next generation. Whatever us as a parent do, our children have eyes to see. Whatever us as a parent say, our children have ears to hear. Whatever us as a parent think, our children have heart to feel.
We stay with my parent so there is no need to visit them. As for my in law, they stay in the west....East to West then back West to East. I give my in law the same benefit as i would give to my parent. With equal patience, love and of course $$.
The main reason why i keep this habit of visiting my in law (sometime we stay there overnight), is because i know the maximum years i can do so is only 25 years. Given that they are 60 years old, another 25 years would be 85 years old. I wish they could live until then healthily but judging by recently death age and reason why they die, i am not so positive.
I remember Singapore 25th birthday back in 1990, that time i am only primary 6. Too bad internet not that popular then and KSP not born yet. Singaporean pretty excited about it because it is 1/4 of a century.
Now i may have only 1/4 of a century to be filial to my parent and in law. Everyone must leave this world some day but i do not want to bring regrets along.
And another reason is because i am going to be a daddy soon too. Monkey see monkey do. I dont want my child to treat me badly when i become old . hehe: :celebrate: -
MLR:
Every 3 months, I'll internet transfer the allowance for my parents, though I draw a line at doing so for their ang pow. Always make it a point to give them personally.We hv a meal with my mom at least once a month, when I give her the monthly allowance.
schellen:
Sorry chief, please feel free to merge. :oops:This thread reminds me of this: http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?t=4169
SGoku:
Yes, SGoku, you provided the spark.Thank you Mathsparks for bringing up this poll...it seems i \"spark\" up your inspiration to create this.
I've always wanted to find out if this tradition is still alive. Does anyone know if this is peculiar to SG only? Or is this common in Asian society?
Seeing so many positive responses, I was beginning to feel lousy that I've not been filial.
Then I remembered that over the years, my siblings and I, with our kids, have brought our parents on long driving trips to UK, Scotland, Paris, Sydney, Perth etc. Brought them to many parts of China (including the beautiful Jiuzhaigou), Malaysia and Thailand too. Though we don't spend every weekend with them, those holiday trips we spent together are memorable for the kids and us. Recently showed my girl videos of her learning line dancing with 婆婆 in Brisbane. She was smiling away as she recalled the fun times she spent with her grandma. So I guess my kids would have memories of their grandparents too.
*runs off to call mum to remind her abt the line dancing memories*
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