Spending time with your parents or in-laws

[buds]

GOOOOOD morning, RRMummy!

[UmmuMuadz]

Hi,


Just to share…

My grandma passed away last April after being in a coma for 12 days. We were very close as I’m the first grand daughter in the family. The last time I talked to her was 2 weeks before she slipped into coma. I regretted so much that I was not around during the last days that she could talk and walk. So much that I made it a point to be around her every day that she was in hospital. I told myself that if God wants to take her away, I want to be there to see that last moment. God is Great. I was there next to her when she took that last breath.

The first few weeks after she passed away was tough. My mom whom was her first daughter, was very affected by it. Every single thing or thought of my grandma will move her to tears.

My grandma had this daily habit of calling my mom at home everyday. And she would always call around 7pm. No long talks just normal conversations of "hows your day" , "hows the kids", "whats for dinner". But now, there is no more such calls. There are nights when my mom long to hear that same voice again. The daily call which seems "normal" then is now a big piece of puzzle missing in her daily routine.

Now, I make it a point to call my mom every day. Well, sometimes 3-4 times day. She appreciates it. I enjoy it. Also, there are times when I feel stress at work, I would just pick up the phone and call my mom. Her voice and reassurance words help to make me feel relaxed.

[buds]

Heyya UmmuMuadz, 1st it was acforfamily's -

\"What is that?\" touching clip and NOW you're
activating my tear ducts again...

Wuuuaah wuuuaah wuuuaaah!

[winth]

My parents just moved near to our area - 5 mins drive. Not too near, which I’m quite sure there’ll be conflicts, but near enough to be a good support for each other.


I remembered early half of this year was terrible for my parents who had just sold their house, went renting for a place to stay while house-searching. And my father’s freelance paint projects weren’t smooth either. Plus it was quite untimely when we decided to ‘sorta fire’ my mum when we sent our boys to fullday childcare. It was unintentional but we felt that we need to settle the boys’ as I had planned to head back to the office this year. So their income stream became highly unstable. At one point, my mother was telling me that they were depleting their savings just to make ends meet. It got quite worrying.

Luckily, the house came timely enough, which ended their search agony. The renovation and loan got settled rather effortlessly. And my father jumped out of his depression mode after we told them our plans that would kinda smoothen their financial worries. My mother would be re-employed again, will need her to help me out in my other venture. And I’m looking into my father’s assignments.

Their doctor friend is now taking care of their health issues and making sure my mother’s blood pressure and kidney are in good conditions. And that my father is getting his liver strengthened.

Their weekends are kept full as they have those religious engagements. Think they are heading very busy lifestyle if you ask me. Most times when I call my mum, she is outside with my father. As a child, it feels good to know that my parents are still as loving. Once I even asked how their s-x life is, from what my mum told me - it seems healthy. Kinda yucky when I think about it (I mean from a child’s point of view), but I’m just glad they have a fulfilling sexual relationship.

Just last week, we gave our parents a big ang pao for their housewarming gift and the next day, they came here to cook curry (my mum’s curry top quality), and this week, they bought one big pack of fresh ingredients from the market for my week’s dinner. I think all parents just need this little boost from their children and this makes their day.

[en107rn.01056yahoo.01056com.01056sg]

[quote]One day, we'll be old and frail..... will we know how our children will care for us? Will we know whether they will be filial? Will we know whether they will look out for us? As parents love unconditionally, there is

no issue of expecting anything in return. Even if one does expect,
when one is old and frail, how to force upon that? That's the reason
why many invest in a retirement nest to cope for the silver age...
Just in case.. [/quote]When I was twenty, my grandmother by then did not stay with us. She was free to choose to stay with any of her four kids. Her ic address was with my unmarried uncle but she loved her youngest daughter very much, so 80% of her time will be with my aunty. But when she was very sickly, my aunty sent over my grandmother to our place (my mum is DIL). Since my father was working, I took turn with my mum to look after my invalid grandmother while juggling with school. My sister who's 5 years older than me has since started a family.

For my mum, she was looking after someone who has been picking on her and for me, I am looking after someone whom I had so much fun with. I totally respected my mum for it cause I know her relationship with my grandmother has been strained through out. My grandmother was then admitted to hospital when she took a worst turn. Busy with school project deadline, I was hoping to visit her in the next few days but the call came through early morning around 4 am that she has passed on alone in the hospital. I was the one who took the call as my father was working night shift. I contacted my father whom directed me to start the funeral arrangement, contacted my sister to request her to start contacting aunties & alert close relatives & quickly brought my mum to the hospital.

My aunties came at 7am wailing. I am sorry to say that isn't it way too late to express her sorrow?

Having this painful experience in mind, I started building some retirement saving. Parental love is unconditional. I do hope my children will grow up with compassion in them.

As for myself, I learn the painful way that procastinating or not able to squeeze my time to attend to something or someone important in my life, I might later regret.

So, do spare even a five minutes to say hello to our parents is good enough than having nothing at all.

[mathsparks]

[Moderator's note: Topics merged.]


One of the new ksp, SGoku, visits his mil every weekend. I wonder how many of us here keep up with this tradition.

I remember when we were young, every Sunday was spent at grandma's, playing badminton, popping balsam seeds in her huge house/garden with my siblings/cousins. I remember grandma's coffee, her yummy overnight chicken :drool: (re-cooked many times..very salty) and the awful smell of the tam pui in her room.

Those memories are very dear to me as grandma has passed away. Miss her much. But I didn't like those kaypoh uncles/aunties though. Always prying.

My parents stay in the West, and I'm in the East. Distance, plus kids' busy schedules made it difficult for us to visit them weekly as much as I wanted to.

We only meet up during occasions. They're getting on in years and I hope to be able to see them more regularly. I wonder if my kids will have any memories of gandma if I don't make more effort.

[MLR]

We hv a meal with my mom at least once a month, when I give her the monthly allowance. I call her at least once a week just to chat her up. She does suffer from what I would call the "empty nest" syndrome. Since I moved last year and changed DS’s cc, which used to be in her neighbourhood. She would make excuses for us to go visit her, even to the extend of saying she is so sick and almost hospitalised kind of words. She has a set of my house keys and we told her that she is free to drop by anytime, she would still want us to go visit her.


It doesn’t help that she is not on good terms with my father. I used to go over for dinner on every weekday nights, and she would poured out her anguish/sorrows/what-hv-u to me. Now that I can’t go for dinner as often, I call her so that she can still let out to me. My sister avoid her calls and my bro work errratic hours.

My MIL, she is too far away, so she gets a call every week, mostly to hear DS babble and share family gossip.

[Picolo]

We visit my PsIL every weekend, unless they have to attend some functions or dinners. Hubby has a very closely-knitted family. My ILs have 13 grandchildren. Everybody tries to be present. So, when children are all there, they play together. Some older ones (like > 16 yo) even bring their best friends home to join for dinners too! Some of the girls in sec schs/ IP schs will use the time there to revise their work or do their homeworks there occasionally. Those in pri schs or pre-schs are either playing or watching TVs together.


It’s interesting to see how the different age-groups/personalities/ academically good or so-so students behave. LOL. My PsIL are very nice people, and the family has no politics (read: poor but happy). I think it’s partly the reason why everybody is willing or even happy to meet every week.

[schellen]

This thread reminds me of this: http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?t=4169


sashimi and I don't visit but we see my mom (and sometimes my dad and sis) almost every weekday when I pick my DD up from my mom at the MRT station. We usually spend some minutes to get updates on what my DD has been up to, and any latest news about my family and relatives. My PIL stay farther away and they are the ones with the car so they come by to see their granddaughter at least once a week. However, they don't stay long. We only spend more time with our families for celebrations and the rare outing together. I think this works out fine for us cos with this amount of space, freedom and privacy, our relationships are maintained at an amicable level.

P.S. Basically, our DD spends more time with our parents than we do. Also, she is currently the only grandchild, and my cousins are either overseas or very busy so....

[3greatkids]

My MIL stays with me to help out and my FIL and SIL drops by almost every night to have dinner so I see them almost everyday. Sometimes when we bring the children on outings, they would tag along too but I’m fine with that as they really are a great help as I dun have a maid. With 3 kids in tow, I need whatever help I can get haha.


I will have dinner with my sis and mum at least once during the weekdays and we go over every sunday with the kids unless my mum decides to go malaysia or my dad does not come back during that weekend coz he’s working in batam. Before the kids, we wld prob eat out together once a week and weekends we usually do our own stuff. When the kids came along, it seems natural to bring them to see their grandparents. DH is working retail hours so he only goes back with me if he is off that particular sunday.

I guess it’s easy for us coz we all stay in the north and at the same time, we were brought up that way where we visit our grandparents almost every week as well so it has become more of a tradition. I’m sure I would want that to happen when I grow older and my children have their own kids so it’s never too early to teach them this tradition (personal agenda haha).