K2 boy always want to win, cannot accept defeat
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smurf:
I think its depends on age.My son was like that (mean wanted to win about 4 years after go to primary school doesn't bother to win).Now he is playing boardgames with his sister (5 years old).She can't accept to lose.He said its ok to lose.Now he matured already.When they are small they can't accept.its good to have this kind of mentality! I wish my p1 can be more kiasu. its better so that he or she will be more competitive. my p1 NOT competitive at all. he can get all question wrong and he is unaffected at all.
you are very lucky! -
ckhoo5:
Everyday, I see two children who are like that, and they are not my children.Dear parents,
My K2 boy, whenever in his childcare whether playing games or any other things that will have a winning & losing team, he will cry if he/ his team are defeated. Been telling himm upmost times that winning & losing is part of the game, it's not tat important, most impt is you enjoy the games with your frenz.. but he still cannot accept it.. sigh :roll:
How do you encourage your kids who likes to win all the time? I'm worried he is putting unnecessary stress to himself. Next year he will be in P1 & there will be more ppl in 1 class, and definately you can't win all the time..
My own kids have a winning streak in them, but it is more subdued in comparison.
Here is my take on it:
Children tend to have this must win attitude, which they picked up from others. Therefore, they may have picked it up from the parents, or those other kids around them. I see it very clearly as my own children differ in their \"die die must win at all cost\" (DDMWAAC) attitude... Initially, they have the DDMWAAC and huge arguments and dissatisfaction comes about.I had to intervene as I noticed that with different groups of playmates yielded different levels of DDMWAAC attitudes. Notably, when company has it in them to be the only winner, then everyone else in the group wants to be the sole winner and this playgroup will end up in unhappiness. When there are no hyper competitive mates around, the play group is more amiable and pleasant, having more fun always.
I had to instill a slightly more mature perspectives with them that if you always want to win, then you would be alone... Winning is great, but not the most important, especially if you win at others misery.
It is how you win, and as much as how you lose, and take home the lessons you learn when you lose that makes you a better person.
When you win, remember that others may have had to lose to you, so be sensitive to their feelings. No need to trample on others when you are on top.
When you win, teach others how you did it, and the collective winners will get even further, since everyone has special gifts from God. This teaches them about being a better winning team, instead of only being a better winning individual. This also helps to up their game, even when at the top.
Most importantly, if you did your best, it was worth the effort results will follow. When results do not follow, there is something to learn... Be smarter... relook, rethink, and relearn.
Here is the end result...
I find that the two very competitive children go to extents of creating their superiority over others by manifesting in different ways such as writing on pieces of paper about themselves as the winner and others as the loser. I personally have seen these sheets of paper, which underscore a deep rooted issue, IMHO.
Am proud to say that my children do not have that habit, and have learnt to walk away, not bothering about having been given zero points by the self-proclaimed winner. Yes, they do get unhappy and call me to complain occasionally, but have grown to accept that their playmates are \"like that\". The youngest actually asked me one day if he could pray to ask Jesus to help change them. I melted...
I also observed that a lot of influence comes from the different sets of parents, and how the parents themselves conduct themselves, form and display attitudes, as well as what they say to the children.
So, your recognition is the first and crucial step...
May I suggest that you too live your life in an improved manner, so that your child's hero displays the better example.
Be patient and explain to your child about how winning together gets them more friends, better popularity, and creative competition ( of helping others win like you did ) is a lot healthier than destructive competition (winning and trampling on others).
Better yet, create some examples through family board games like snake and ladders. (your child would be watching you when you win and when you lose, so be very careful and make sure your attitude is about having fun family time rather than winning)
Change your child's playmates too... Perhaps a play date with one or two other friends with your supervision. Do things like cookie baking where each have to win in doing their part well so that the end product is testament of all their collective winnings... And it's a yummy end product too!
Hope that gives some ideas...
All the best! -
How would adults feel if we lost out on a promotion?
I suppose that is how our children feel when they lose at a game. They’re disappointed and because they haven’t learn to be hypocrites, they show their heartbreak openly. Of course, one can argue that a promotion is nothing like a game because a game is unimportant.
For kids, games are everything… Moms and Dads are everything. My DS used to take winning at games very seriously. But as he grew up, his world got larger and games became less important. Now he cries about his exams. As he gets older, I get less important too. -
Dear all,
Thanks for all the advise, I'm glad to know I'm not alone
I do play family board games like snake and ladders with my boy, and told him sometimes we can win, or we can lose, what matters is we tried our best.
Will try to show more positive example and attitudes and hopefully my boy will learnt from there.. -
My kid, throws tantrum when things don't go the way my kid wants. If lego falls down when my kid wants to build tall, my kid will start to throw the lego all over the place in a fit. :faint:
Wonder if when older, results not what my kid wants to achieve, will my kid throw the book away :? -
My son used to behave like this, each time he does that i will tell him strictly:\"Don't throw tantrum, if you kick and throw yr toys, i will assume u do not like yr toys and all will go into the dustbin.\" He tried to test my limit and there was once i really dump the toys into the bin and he started to cry and scream and sae dont want dont want, then i correct him again and tld him he shouldnt do that, suprisingly, he never does it again.
Oppsgal:
My kid, throws tantrum when things don't go the way my kid wants. If lego falls down when my kid wants to build tall, my kid will start to throw the lego all over the place in a fit. :faint:
Wonder if when older, results not what my kid wants to achieve, will my kid throw the book away :? -
Good one!
This is a fine example of delivering whatever you promised.
That's also precisely what I mean when I say that the children will look upon how we live our lives, to live theirs. If we deliver what we promise, so would they... and they know that for a fact, albeit after testing limits at times.
It is similar for competitiveness... and our attitudes towards competitiveness. IMHO, it is not a phase that they grow out of. They grow out of the phase about the object of competition, but they retain the attitudes of competition and build upon it. So, indirectly, we as parents, determine if they have a purely competitive attitude or a creative/constructive competitive attitude.sunset_dae:
My son used to behave like this, each time he does that i will tell him strictly:\"Don't throw tantrum, if you kick and throw yr toys, i will assume u do not like yr toys and all will go into the dustbin.\" He tried to test my limit and there was once i really dump the toys into the bin and he started to cry and scream and sae dont want dont want, then correct him again and tld him he shouldnt do that, suprisingly, he never does it again.
Oppsgal:
My kid, throws tantrum when things don't go the way my kid wants. If lego falls down when my kid wants to build tall, my kid will start to throw the lego all over the place in a fit. :faint:
Wonder if when older, results not what my kid wants to achieve, will my kid throw the book away :? -
sunset_dae:
So did you pick the toys back from the dustbin?My son used to behave like this, each time he does that i will tell him strictly:\"Don't throw tantrum, if you kick and throw yr toys, i will assume u do not like yr toys and all will go into the dustbin.\" He tried to test my limit and there was once i really dump the toys into the bin and he started to cry and scream and sae dont want dont want, then i correct him again and tld him he shouldnt do that, suprisingly, he never does it again.
Oppsgal:
My kid, throws tantrum when things don't go the way my kid wants. If lego falls down when my kid wants to build tall, my kid will start to throw the lego all over the place in a fit. :faint:
Wonder if when older, results not what my kid wants to achieve, will my kid throw the book away :?
For me, I don't think is good to throw toys into dustbin just because kid throw tantrum. Instead, my kid is made to do time out for tantrum. Told my kid, toys are not for throwing.
Not sure did the teachers in childcare punish my kid :? Or just tell me so I have to punish my kid personally when came back from school. When the teacher told me my kid throw the tantrum in school. I told teacher that my kid also throw tantrum at home. But recently my kid did less of the tantrum and will definitely come home to stand one corner.
Wonder why teacher don't just straight away punish my kid on the spot when tantrum is thrown :? Better effect then came back end of the day and kid forgot the bad tantrum...then out of sudden got punish.
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Yes, i did after he promise me that he will not throw the toys anymore and i told him i will only give him one chance, so far this method of punishment works on him.
Oppsgal:
So did you pick the toys back from the dustbin?sunset_dae:
My son used to behave like this, each time he does that i will tell him strictly:\"Don't throw tantrum, if you kick and throw yr toys, i will assume u do not like yr toys and all will go into the dustbin.\" He tried to test my limit and there was once i really dump the toys into the bin and he started to cry and scream and sae dont want dont want, then i correct him again and tld him he shouldnt do that, suprisingly, he never does it again.
[quote=\"Oppsgal\"]My kid, throws tantrum when things don't go the way my kid wants. If lego falls down when my kid wants to build tall, my kid will start to throw the lego all over the place in a fit. :faint:
Wonder if when older, results not what my kid wants to achieve, will my kid throw the book away :?
For me, I don't think is good to throw toys into dustbin just because kid throw tantrum. Instead, my kid is made to do time out for tantrum. Told my kid, toys are not for throwing.
Not sure did the teachers in childcare punish my kid :? Or just tell me so I have to punish my kid personally when came back from school. When the teacher told me my kid throw the tantrum in school. I told teacher that my kid also throw tantrum at home. But recently my kid did less of the tantrum and will definitely come home to stand one corner.
Wonder why teacher don't just straight away punish my kid on the spot when tantrum is thrown :? Better effect then came back end of the day and kid forgot the bad tantrum...then out of sudden got punish.[/quote]
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think throw away toys is a good idea. because the toys belongs to him, he will feel more painful than time out. if want to throw, must throw it away, cannot pick it up from dustbin, coz he will think that mummy dun mean it. next time, mummy will still pick it up from the dustbin.
IMHO, time out will not work for some children. at least it doesn't work for ds2. he will just sit and do nothing, sometimes, he will sing song to pass time. :imconstipated:
so, even if i put him for time out 1 hour 2 hour, it makes no difference to him.
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