northernstar:

hi all,

do you mind if your children are closer to your parents or your spouse's parents instead of you and your spouse?

when you are not happy or rude to your in-laws, will you care if they tink you are rude or your mom never teaches you manners? will you worry that your children or their spouse will have conflict with you or their spouse treat you the same as how you treat your in laws now? after they get married next time.

hi! if you have PILs like mine, you will only wish they are out of your life the sooner the better. I was brought up well good manner by my parents. but look how i was treated by the PILs and SILs. I was forced to cut off ties with them as i was constantly smeared by my SILs and PILs will be quick to take extreme \"revenge\" for their daughter. Many times i did not even talk to them yet they can smear me out of nothing and the PILs of coz believe them as they are their blood and skin whereas i am an outsider.

Given this kind of unreasonable PILs who act as if they are God, when they feel their daughter is happy they talk to me otherwise i am treated like a nobody, they had already lost my respect for them for more then ten years ago. To them, my 'respect\" for them is nothing and they dun even care for it. So i dun bother about it all.

Respect is mutual. Junior must respect the elderly , but the elder also has to earn it. Talk about retribution for being rude or nasty to PILs, aiyo for my case, if SILs and PILs do not \"bully\" me , i already thank heaven. Many times, i do not even have a chance to \"talk back\" after being \"attack\" coz they two sisters and PIls, i have four mouths to \"fight back\" at the same time. Four automated machine guns fired at me at the same time, who can handle?

I no longer have any contact with them anymore, they out for good. I met them before on the road, i never address them. i only want peace in my life now, the rest i do not care.

Dear Tutormum,

Yes, u are so right. Plan for ourselves coz from what we can see now , the painful hardfacts is that our future was not included in their future. 他们计划的未来由始至终从来都没有包括我们的未来。

Thats the main reason why i had left and set up my own business even at the price of PILS had threatnened to cut off ties with me coz i had also set up a similar trade but a very small business compared to theirs. I still went ahead and persisted and work hard for my business. They wanted to cut ties, then cut off lorr. I will have only regrets if i did not put my first step away from them. They can fully support their daughter and hubby to set up their own business (same trade), and their daughter even though she has own business now, but she is still working for her parents at the same time. Weird isnt ? Logic?? me on the other hand , used my savings to set up my own busness, but i was pronounced as a traitor by them even though i did not touch any of their customers base or contacts. I have integrity unlike their daughter keep telling her hubby to \"steal\" their customers and took goods from theirparents business without paying for sale in her hubby's store. This is of course with her parents blessing lah. Ha , this kind of no cost business, any idiot also can be successful.

My DH told me to establish well my business and as he sees no future in his parents business. He too regretted to have stay in that \"stupid\" business for too long. If he had met me much earlier, i would have told him to leave while he still has the advantages. We are now just waiting for 天时地利人合， when the right time comes............ Or if things fall apart, at least we still have my business to survive on.

When i look back it is such a painful and long journey for us. Like your DH younger brothers, my DH had spent his younger full of energnetic years helping his parents expand their business. What did he earn after all?? Nothing but only regrets. Family business?? i pui........we thought and was constantly reminded by the money mind PILS, not to be calculative as we are a FAMILY........PUI.....at the end of day, we are the losers not them, coz they are the calculative and manipulative ones.

No regrets that i have no more ties with them. Life is so much lighter now. :rahrah:

janet_lee88:

Hi ningning,

This sister of his is no angel to begin with. If i were as cheap as her, I don't think I would be able to gain my hubby's respect. She stays out all night but told my hubby to go home as it was late.
The old one told me to continue working after getting married so that her precious son will not have to support me, and give her more allowance. In her brain, the only thing in it is MONEY. It took me a long time to change hubby's mindset that money isn't everything. Haven't quite succeeded but at least much better now.

Whats is wrong with these SILS?? My hubby's sister the one that i mentioned her parents pay everything for her family to her hubby's business (PILS gave her big sums to help her hubby set up a business which is exactly the same trade as them!!), she has the cheek to scold her brother \"cheapskate\" when he merely claimed some official expenses he has paid on behalf of the business!! :shock: She is totally not embarassed that if not for her parents, she cannot even set up her family so soon and keep havin babies coz her pay salary increase whenever she has a newborn mah unlike us, think if we have ten kids also no increment. Even haircut , she also claimed from business.!! I hate it most is that, she will tell her parents that the business has to cut cost on this and that(at one point so many staff leave coz low salary) and every penny spent on business even on stationary to toilet papers have to be cautious. so wow, her parents is so so happy to think she is so filial knows how to save all the money for them, but on the otherhand she and her whole clan of her hubby's family live on her parents business. Pretend to save but actually spend big on her own families, so her own MIL will love her and she will have the full respect from her hubby's whole clan. My hubby is so sick of her coz not only her hubby is their business competitor but she also leak business info to him and managed to get hold of their good customers. SHES SO DESPICABLE YET PILS STILL THINK SHE IS VERY FILIAL!!!

Yes same, my PILS and SILS their entire life and concern only evolved around on MONEY. But mine is so much so much worse and ugly .Money is so important to them that I never see them show their sympathy towards the weak and poor. They even tried left their store pet dog to painfully slowly bled to death for days at a corner at their store after the pet met a serious accident. I had brought the pet to vet and home after i learnt its poor fate through my hubby and nursed her throughout the two years before the vet put her to sleep. What i saw happend on their pet, it is wake up call for me for then, I will share the same fate too, if oneday i happened to be seriously sick and cannot contribute to their business.
I had since left their business. If my DD was close to them what kind of values they would have cultivate on her??

janet_lee88:

If I had to stay with his parents and those 2 spoilt rotten siblings of his, i would have depression. Our courtship was hell, bcos the old one kept brain-washing him. His idiotic younger sister behaved as though she is HIS mother, bossing him around.

The way his mother brought them up leaves one wondering what is going on in her brain. Sons have to be home by certain time, but daughter can be out gallivanting till wee hours of the morning. I asked hubby if his mother was afraid her sons being raped? Amazing :shock:
Even now, that sister of his dictates him what to do :mad: don't try me, I will tell her to fly kite.

yes u are right that ur SIL should not dictates others what to do. Being in the same family does not give ones right to tell others in the same family what to do.

yep, mine too. yes, yes my hubby's younger single sister also behaved like she is the mother role in the family. OMG, her parents so so proud that she behave like shes the QUEEN in that family. Newly wed then, she also tried very hard to tell me what to do (worse all are stupid time wasting tasks) but i ignored her . She even purposely do so in the presence of her parents to pressure me to succumb to her but i made up excuses so she no choice but back off. So that also starts their nasty acts on me. Coz the old folks feel if i did not listen to her means that i do not respect them too. What right she has to control my life? even my own parents dun control my life like that.

My MIL keep telling her son to beware of \"those\" around him may cheat his money, i know \"those\" includes me also. She is always so doubtful on all her son's choice from work to even marrying me is consider a mistake. She thought her son is \"IQ zero\" to my amusement. But she nvr tell her married daughter to beware of her hubby, though they provided everything for her wedding, from flat, renovation, hoildays, car and big salary after she gave birth. This couple did not need to spend a single cent out from their own pocket for their daily needs. we on the otherhand, need to service our house loan, car loan, renovation, everything everything everything all we pay from our own pocket. I suspect all these is becoz PILS feel that leaving their son with little money to save means i cannot cheat money from their son lorr. CRAZY. :mad: Then should have tell their son to stay single throughout his life. So dun have to worry sick everyday that \"money gone to wrong hand liao\".

I always thought being filial to parents is very important and a must for all children. But NO not that anymore after married to my hubby, my definition about \"filial level\" changed. Nowadays, if any old folks i know, tell me how unfilial their child is, i have reservations to condemn together with them that their offspring is at wrong.

kooky83:

ningning:

Hi! everyone, i have been kept busy for the past few months on my humble business and have not log in for a while.


But recently my hubby came home oneday and told me that his mum had returned from a PRC holiday (they only goes china for holiday, so boring) and passed him a teddy bear that she said is a gift for my DD from my hubby's prc cousin(my FIL is born in PRC but came to singapore in his early years before 1965). She did not get any gift for my DD. My hubby said he is very disappointed with his mum , is not that he care for any gift she buy for our DD, is the thought that is missing. A distant cousin has the thought of giving a small gift to our DD but her own paternal grandma chose not to buy her any gift. So he had purposely left that teddy bear on his parents office table before he left their office. he did not want to bring the fur toy home. I kept silent upon hearing this.

MY DD NEED NOT TO HAVE SUCH A EVIL WOMAN AS HER GRANDMA. PUI....

both your hubby and his mum are not in good terms? luckily you alll are not staying tgt

Yes. Before marriage, my hubby already have differences with his parents. Thank god not staying together, i would have gotten sicked with depression with that four evils appearing physically in my daily life!!

janet_lee88:

ningning:

She did not get any gift for my DD. My hubby said he is very disappointed with his mum , is not that he care for any gift she buy for our DD, is the thought that she is missing. A distant cousin has the thought of giving a small gift to our DD but her own paternal grandma chose not to buy her any gift.

Sometimes it looks as though we expect, but it's more like the thought we expect from them FOR the grand kids. When the paternal grandparents went to US last year for 3 months, they didn't even get anything for the kids, not even sweets or souvenir. Believe my hubby gave them some ang pao before he sent them to airport. It's ok, I am not desperate, just disappointed. .

yep, when we went overseas holidays, we used to buy all kinds gifts for them unique keychains, good quality t-shirts specially for them, normal tidbits, branded chocolates, branded bags/wallets .....etc. Everyone in that family , all has gifts from us whenever we went holiday. But we soon realised when they went overseas = once i was given a small tiny bookmark(probably a free gift) by the younger SIL and the old folks usually passed us weird tibits (they cant finish or doesnt enjoy) and biscuits months after they return from their trip. The tidbits usually end up in my bin coz we dare not eat them. Most of time theres no gift for us. So we stopped buying them gifts also after realised the \"hard facts\". Worse, the duo sister somemore will tell me that they have bought full luggages of pretty clothing but has never get me any piece for once. So i stopped buying them any gifts after that or just passed some cheap tidbits for the old folks .

Come to recall, i remember that when we married and moved to our new house, the duo sister gave us a bedsheet set that was of very old , torn packaging as gift (pricetag gluestain has melted, blackened and already stick dirt on it) . Only after years, My hubby finally admitted and told me, he saw that bedsheet package has been in their storeroom for years! He was surprised then to received it as gift from his sisters. but dare not tell me.

i was zero surprised to know that evil grandma did not get my DD any gift but was appalled that she has the nerve to pass the gift from my hubby 's prc cousin to my DD whereas she herself did not have any gift for my DD. I knew her point of doing so. Does it makes her happier? perhaps.

I used to feel sorry for my DD that she has very little contact with her paternal parents. No longer i feel so now. Those ppl in that house, is a negative force in my family, I need to purge them out of our lives.

Hi! everyone, i have been kept busy for the past few months on my humble business and have not log in for a while.


Since i have left working for my evils PILs, things have been looking better and better for me. my humble business also seem more promising now. Life is breatheable now. I do not have to succumb to their evils acts anymore and kana bully by that evil SIL.

But recently my hubby came home oneday and told me that his mum had returned from a PRC holiday (they only goes china for holiday, so boring) and passed him a teddy bear that she said is a gift for my DD from my hubby’s prc cousin(my FIL is born in PRC but came to singapore in his early years before 1965). She did not get any gift for my DD. My hubby said he is very disappointed with his mum , is not that he care for any gift she buy for our DD, is the thought that is missing. A distant cousin has the thought of giving a small gift to our DD but her own paternal grandma chose not to buy her any gift. So he had purposely left that teddy bear on his parents office table before he left their office. he did not want to bring the fur toy home. I kept silent upon hearing this.

I knew that old evil woman did so to hurt her own son by doing so is like telling him, they did not love our DD. Why one can try so hard even using little things such as something like that to hurt own son?? why so so evil??

MY DD NEED NOT TO HAVE SUCH A EVIL WOMAN AS HER GRANDMA. PUI…

I am thinking of sending my two year plus toddler girl to a phonics school. Any parents has any good recommendations for me?

Dear fifiyeo,


Sigh… Same mine same story too. My dh was mot golden boy too. If my dh had known me earlier, I would have strongly advised him not to waste his time and his youth in a place where how well he perform is not appreciated by PILs at all. even clients all knew the size of business is the effort of my dh not the two sills. The duet only used mouth to talk only , their forte is gossip and go slimming centers, spa, visit branded boutiques. They are crazy for slimming down after I was introduced to
the family. they frown when they saw me carry branded stuff. So I used to put on plain tee and be simple when I visit my PILs home. But being low profile is not enough to them, they want to erase me away from this family. they have no confidence in themselves.

My mil always go around tell everyone that her two princesses work very
hard for the business. And their duties ? Only go to bank on alternate days that’s all and keying in some CPF contributiions. The rest are all done by admin staff. They had all time to read magazine in the office and had all the branded catalogues in their office. The company paid all their bills. Whereas my dh and me do all the hardest and dirtiest job, we push up the sale volume and at the end of day all credit goes to the duet. The best was always for the duet. My FIL even have to go childcare daily and fetch the princess’ s son home, whereas my dd nobody care a shit. He was always full of sunshine smiles with her sons, but pull a long face when see my dd. He even bought and sponsor all renovation for her flat whereas we are servicing our house loans. Whenever she gave birth, he will increase her pay. My dh never get any increment when we had new family member. My dh is also expect to work on Sunday whereas the princesses is suppose to rest. If my dh got something on and had to off, mil would black face coz her princess will have to forgo the beauty sleep on Sunday. So even dh is sick, he die die also have to report work and nobody will be concern how sick he is. Sometimes, if not for my dh who takes after FIL look, I would
have thought he is pick from debris since baby.

So conclusion my dh is also same third class in the family n business. I told my dh gave up lah, how well you perform and earn for the business is no use. They are only using him only so the princesses can relax n be tai tai. So my dh nowadays once time up he pack and go home to spend quality time with me and our dd instead of waste times on a business that is deem to split once FIL is game over. I told him put in less effort so he won’t feel so "cake sim" , just take it as a normal job , at end of month get his pay, dun suggest or implement anything to benefit the business anymore. Coz it won’t benefit him either. As long as the business can survive and pay his monthly salary, ok Liao . The rest who cares. Work smart, is what I advise him. So this business has no future coz it will remain what is today size, since PIL is so unfair then be it , let the business survive will do but not growth coz it will not benefit us.

I wish I had not come across with anyone of these evil ppl in my life at all.

racoon12:

macaron12:

every time after visiting my MIL, i'll call my mom & warn her NOT to do the same to her future daughter in law.. ha

my MIL says
1. my undies can't be washed together with my hubby's.. hahahaha..
2. my MIL said my Chinese name is 'not good' (ahaha).. i wonder why her son marry me? hahaha
3. red red & red for CNY. not even white. no fried rice during CNY, no bitterguard (hot to spell?), no this, no that.. faint.[/quote

Macaron,
Ur MIL and mine came from the same village.... (pardon my language).
When i stayed at her place, i cant even use her washing machine. Cos her washing machine is to wash men clothes......
I have to wait till the sun is shine to wash my clothes cos i cant hang it in the kitchen very bad luck for the men in her house.........

oh this kind of situation also applies to my granny household. My mum ever told me that her own mum which is my granny also got this thinking too. My granny will be unhappy if women clothing is to hang in the kitchen, coz that will spell bad luck for my uncle who is unmarried. We were staying in our granny's house before my parents got our own flat. My mum does all the housechores coz she thought that since we stays in granny's flat so its fair for her to do all chores. Once my mum thought is convenient to wash our clothing together with my unlce's trousers, but my granny saw it and used something to dish it out and threw it away to the kitchen bin infront of my mum. This is what my granny did to warn my mum dun ever do it again. My mum was upset then . sigh, this is what happen if one have to stay under other's roof. Even her own mother look down on her.