How to make a child more confident and outspoken
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@jedamum, about not labelling the child ‘shy’, we would just say that DD1 will respond when she is ready to. But can’t prevent others from dangling the label ‘shy’ on her.
@Funz, yes I had read about selective mutism before. The school counsellor (and the Child Guidance counsellor DD1 saw in K2) were quite certain that DD1 doesn’t have that… yet. The school counsellor is still concerned and hope that DD1 doesn’t regress into SM.
We did set expectations that DD1 should respond (either verbally or non-verbally) when spoken to, and she has been involved in a CCA of her choice in P1 and P2. Maybe we should ease up a little on that after reading this article…
@Trina, DD1 didn’t have show & tell sessions in lower P. DD2, however, has done one show & tell this year in P1 and even has marks to show for that. I had broached the idea of Speech & Drama holiday program to DD1 but she didn’t like it even in childcare (K2) when she had her close friends with her.
Maybe I should go reread some of the books on raising confident kids and see if i’ve missed anything… -
Hello,
I think my girl got some self confidence issues.
Her teachers told me she can read aloud very well in class when they are reading as a group. But when it comes to one-to-one reading, she will totally become another person who cannot read at all even it is the same book as they read in the group.
Also, during their K1 year end assessment, each child in the class have to arrange picture cards of a chinese story that was taught. My girl was "kpo" enough to "teach" her classmates when they arranged in the wrong order so teacher thought she’s good. But when her turn comes, she cant get it right even after 3 attempts!!
Both her chinese & english teachers realise the same problem with my girl. Any advice how can i help her?
thanks! -
hi Carrot_55
I have merged your post into this thread. You may be able to find some tips from the earlier posts here.
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tankee:
Thanks alot!hi Carrot_55
I have merged your post into this thread. You may be able to find some tips from the earlier posts here.
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an enrichment class teacher from a well-known school here was taught me this.
Initially, allow the child to narrate or recite to you at close range in his or her soft voice. Praise the child; claps and cheer. Do this daily.
After a few times, gradually increase the distance between you and your child, "forcing" the child to gradually increase his or her voice. Again praise and cheer.
then move on to get the child to stand on a stood and again gradually moving further away. Add some toys as audiences.
finally, gradually add the number of real "audiences".
There was this girl in her class that initially would cry and held on tight to her mom, refusing to let go. At the end of the year long course, she was proudly standing on the chair, reciting her poem to all her classmates and classmates’ parents. -
Today a parenting counselor asked all parents to manage our expectations of children.
When we ask how to make our kids self-confident, we also need to ask ourselves are we self-confident personally? When did we become self-confident - was it at age 5 or 25? Self-confidence is a long process. Many things happen along the way to build up our esteem, courage and confidence.
If we hate meeting new people or public speaking at age 35, how can we expect our kids to be self-confident and outspoken at age 5? Kids are modelling themselves after us. -
According to documented research on the MBTI Personality Profiling Instrument, each child is born with innate personality preferences, in the same way that they are born either left or right handed. Each preference has strengths and weaknesses.
Introversion is one such innate personality preference. Introversion carries with it strengths important for success. Introverted people tend to be reflective. They listen, observe and process.
In the past, parents used to force left-handed children to write with their right hand. Left-handed children who write with the right hand tend to have bad handwriting, at the same time, they've never had the opportunity to learn how to use their left (natural) hand properly. They're neither here nor there.
As such, a school of thought advocates that parents allow young children to develop skill first with their innate preference (whether left-handedness or introversion), only introducing a non-preferred skill later in life.
Little Boy is highly introverted. I left him quite alone. Ignored the issue and respected his preference. Instead, I concentrated on bringing out the strengths of the introvert. He listens well and hears people. His teacher credits him with empathy and consideration. He observes and processes well. Without trying, he scores 90+ at Science most times. If he tries, he tops the class. This is because the Science Syllabus is heavy on observation and process skills. Another introverted girl in his class is known to write very powerfully. Somehow, the reticence to speak up encouraged her to find expression elsewhere... and her parents encouraged her in that direction.
Only in P4 did I gently nudge him towards public speaking by leveraging on his love for Science. I taught him Powerpoint so that he could document his independent science research. Then I encouraged him to present to the whole family. In this way, I moved him (without making a big issue of it since it seemed so natural) from the introverted activity he preferred (science research) to the extroverted activity he did not prefer.
His Powerpoint and presentation skills improved to the point that his friends nominated him to present their Social Studies Group Project. He did such a lovely job with the Social Studies presentation that his teacher picked him to do a Show and Tell in the foyer to 3 sessions of students (P1&2, P3&4, P4&5).
He went and did all of that and wasn't stressed at all because I didn't make a big deal out of is shyness. He never knew that I worried about his shyness.
Someone told me many years ago that a gifted sculptor discerns the shape inside the marble block before he or she begins to sculpt. It was a lesson I took to heart as a parent. When a parent knows to discern, respect and bring out the best in the shape of the child he/she is blessed with... then nurture can work with nature to create a beautiful human being.
Going against nature is painful for both parent and child. I think more painful for the child who is being bent against his/her natural shape. -
Very beautifully written, Chenonceau! Totally agree with you. :celebrate:
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cherrygal:
Very beautifully written, Chenonceau! Totally agree with you. :celebrate:
:goodpost: -
cherrygal:
Very beautifully written, Chenonceau! Totally agree with you. :celebrate:
Yes most times as parents we are so bent on getting things fixed, we forget about the strength of nature.
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