What should I do?

[pinky]

snowball:

Hi Pinky,


I am glad you stand firm for not inviting your niece in ( even your hubby has accured you as being selfish !!!)

It surely will cause lots of problems if you have your niece stay with you and who know the \"1 year\" period could have \"extended\" without any notice !!!

exactly, I dun trust them with their promise :roll:

[pinky]

bigsnoopy:

Hi pinky, I read through the posts and am very glad that the girl did not stay at your place. It's easy to invite one in and difficult to kick them out.

thank you for your concern and advice. I shall monitor the situation very closely and be on my guard.

[phtthp]

tell yr husb this:-

==========

as a mother, your main focus, your priority, your duty, your energy channelled now is to concentrate and help yr son prepare his O level, peacefully - without any disturbance from external party walking in and out of your house.

O level is a crucial exam. It will determine his son’s path towards entering Junior college / polytechnic, and subsequently to university, the choice of subjects, and his career / profession later on.

all other external matter (yr niece, yr SIL problems) don’t concern you. You don’t have the time nor the energy to dwell on it. This is somebody else’s problem. Tell yr husband - get his own house in order first.

[adanial]

reading from the thread I feel that SIL taking advantage. I think someone shd slap your SIL and tell her to wake up… shifting responsiblity seems to be an easy way out… if the child continue to be rebellious, there is someone to be the scape goat for the child unacceptable behaviour and that is wld be you and hubby . anyway, she’s 19 and have her own mind.

[pinky]

phtthp:

tell yr husb this:-

==========

as a mother, your main focus, your priority, your duty, your energy channelled now is to concentrate and help yr son prepare his O level, peacefully - without any disturbance from external party walking in and out of your house.

O level is a crucial exam. It will determine his son's path towards entering Junior college / polytechnic, and subsequently to university, the choice of subjects, and his career / profession later on.

all other external matter (yr niece, yr SIL problems) don't concern you. You don't have the time nor the energy to dwell on it. This is somebody else's problem. Tell yr husband - get his own house in order first.

hi phtthp,
thank you for your reminder. In fact I have explained this to my son also bec he was apparently upset when my husband told him about the niece staying over. He knows my intentions (I quit my full time job when he started P6 to help with his PSLE) and he too feels that I cannot have divided attention and distraction for the next 1.5 years at least.
As for my husband, well he didnt want to talk about it again and actually for the 1st few days after telling me his sister is looking for alternatives, he refused to talk to me and stopped me when I tried to explain the above to him so I guess I will not bother to explain until at a later date.
I still remember the insult when my son got his PSLE results: You quit your job to prepare your son for PSLE and he can't even qualify for RI or HCI, lauya lah you!!!
:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: i felt like :spank: :nunchuk:
him when he uttered the nonsense and every year when the PSLE results came out and his colleagues were bragging about their kids' performance, he will never fail to remind me of the same old thing again.
He's a REAL I-D-I-O-T

[pinky]

adanial:

reading from the thread I feel that SIL taking advantage. I think someone shd slap your SIL and tell her to wake up.... shifting responsiblity seems to be an easy way out... if the child continue to be rebellious, there is someone to be the scape goat for the child unacceptable behaviour and that is wld be you and hubby . anyway, she's 19 and have her own mind.

she has always been like this and it got even worse after her divorce.
I think she's taking advantage of the pity that the siblings have on her.
As for her daughter's behaviour, I see with my own eyes since she was 3 and how her mother would pamper her.
for eg the mother praised her daughter for 'fighting for her own rights' when the girl told her teacher off: HOMEWORK SUCKS and I am not interested in doing them(she was in sec 2 then). The mother was laughing as she recounted to us about her daughter's bravery :yikes: :yikes:
so with this kind of attitude, how to control the teen as she grows up?

[hquek]

hi pinky,


Remind your hubby that his son has got HIS genes also. Don’t mean being SAHM your child will definitely go to RI/HCI. And don’t mean go RI/HCI mean the child will grow up in the correct path (look at stories of those scholars gone astray) - and sorry to those from RI/HCI hor.

I do agree your SIL should do HER parenting duties and not push onto others. She will only regret later in life for not guiding HER own daughter onto the right path.

And your hubby…sorry, but I quite agree with your conclusion about him. WHY would anyone bring a defiant 19 y/o into his house? What if his one and only son pick up on bad things with her? Old chinese saying: Learn bad 3 days, learn good 3 years.

At the end, I don’t see why you must do the parenting for her. What rights do you have? if she dun listen to you, can you punish her? on what grounds? If there are no effective means of discipline, you may as well put her in a hotel.

[Pen88n]

pinky:

phtthp:

tell yr husb this:-

==========

as a mother, your main focus, your priority, your duty, your energy channelled now is to concentrate and help yr son prepare his O level, peacefully - without any disturbance from external party walking in and out of your house.

O level is a crucial exam. It will determine his son's path towards entering Junior college / polytechnic, and subsequently to university, the choice of subjects, and his career / profession later on.

all other external matter (yr niece, yr SIL problems) don't concern you. You don't have the time nor the energy to dwell on it. This is somebody else's problem. Tell yr husband - get his own house in order first.

hi phtthp,
thank you for your reminder. In fact I have explained this to my son also bec he was apparently upset when my husband told him about the niece staying over. He knows my intentions (I quit my full time job when he started P6 to help with his PSLE) and he too feels that I cannot have divided attention and distraction for the next 1.5 years at least.
As for my husband, well he didnt want to talk about it again and actually for the 1st few days after telling me his sister is looking for alternatives, he refused to talk to me and stopped me when I tried to explain the above to him so I guess I will not bother to explain until at a later date.
I still remember the insult when my son got his PSLE results: You quit your job to prepare your son for PSLE and he can't even qualify for RI or HCI, lauya lah you!!!
:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: i felt like :spank: :nunchuk:
him when he uttered the nonsense and every year when the PSLE results came out and his colleagues were bragging about their kids' performance, he will never fail to remind me of the same old thing again.
He's a REAL I-D-I-O-T

Pinky,
Sorry to say this: but your hubby really needs to \"wake up\".

SAHM benefits the kid in terms of character development (which is by far more impt than academic!). Helping a kid prepare for PSLE is not a 1 year affair - it is an accumulation of 6 years of school work. There is also the factor of the kid's ability at play - let's face it, we all have different abilities and not everyone is good in everything! By staying at home, you are just trying to help the kid maximise his potential. As long as he has tried his best, that should be an achievement to him. Why compare with some other kid?

Moreover RI and HCI may not be suitable for all kids. These 2 schools take in the top 3-5% of the cohort only. Be fair to the kid - under normal circumstances, most kids will fall into the 95-97% of norm, unless you have an exceptionally bright kid. Ask your hubby if he is even in the top 3-5% of his cohort, and did his parents even demand that of him?

With 1 bragging of exceptionally good results, there are 9 others who have average (or slightly above average) or bad results. You do not hear the 9 others, becos only 1 will brag. Thus, it seems pretty easy to achieve the exceptionally good results as this is all we hear - the exceptionally good results. We will have to open our eyes to see the big picture and be more realistic in expectations.

[poppy15]

reminds me of a true incident with my uncle's unregistered marriage with a msian woman. this woman has 2 gals from her 1st marriage ( nt sure if she's formally divorced or not though).


ever since my uncle gt separated from my aunt, he has been living with this msian woman in JB. once once in a while, they wld popped by to our place, usually over the weekends & PH. and they wld stayed for a period of 2-3 days each time. my mum, very kindly allow them to stay overnights.

so much so that the msian lady felt that it wld be better for her to work in spore. so again my mum kindly allow them to stay at our place while the woman worked in night spots every evening.

the 2 gals wld go back to msia & wld only come during the sch hols.

nw the nightmare begins....

once this 2 gals came over during their sch hols & while their mum gt to wrk, i was tasked to so call look after them, they are age 13 & 9 yo. the 13 yo started to call her frens using our home phone & chatted for hours... my mum explained to her nt to use the phone for so long as they wld be other callers trying to call in, her response: \" what's the big deal, i do that at home too.\"

the 9yo gal was a picky eater. she didnt like what my mum cook & decided she wanna ta bao instead. me suay lah, was asked to ta bao for her. i asked what she wants & she replied newton circus chay kway teow. i was like what the heck, i'm living in boon keng & u asked me to go newton. so i told her no choose something else. she threw a temper & said she wanna call her mum.

many other incidents happen & their mum gt wind of it. started scolding my mum. i shut her mouth off, told her this is nt their home to start off with.... my uncle gt angry with me & gave me a dressing down, asking why am i so rude to her. i am older than the gals, its my responsibility to look after them.....

my mum can only tell me: 打不得，骂不得.... after all, they are still someone's child.

i was like: :frustrated: :stompfeet: :stupid: :mad: :rant: :nunchuk: :spank:

from then on, we nvr allow them to step into our house ever again.

from then on, they also diappeared into thin air. last i heard. the older gal has ran away from home, god knows where. the younger one also ran away from home....

[phtthp]

once let stranger enter your house, all hell break loose … one after another, incidents happen, relationship strained.


yr SIL kids are raised and brought up in a different home environment, their values system all different from yours.

nowadays, youngsters rude. No respect shown to elders. last time our time we know that once we enter into somebody else’s family and stay for a few days there as holiday, we are taught … must greet people, must call our elders, not keep our golden mouth shut. Also must offer to help out do household chores like sweep the floor, clear garbage, mop floor, offer to help cut vegetables, wash vegetables, cook simple food, wash plates after makan, etc.

but nowadays, youngsters very rude. They adopt this … take it or leave it horrible lousy attitude !

at age 19, she is supposed to be grown up. She also has her mind set fixed liao! Ask your SIL wake up earlier in the morning. Before she leave the house - quickly, cut, chop vegetables, dump everything into hot pot, slow cooker. Also cook some rice. When her son or daughter come back, at least got 1 hot dish, ready for them to eat. 2nd dish - perhaps steam egg, steam minced pork, steam vegetables, etc. 2 dishes, can eat liao.
anyway, they both so big! Time for them learn independence, look after each other as sibling, look after their own house, clean their own house, help out their mom.